What is this thing you speak of? Moat-iv-ay-shun?

mo·ti·va·tion / moh-tuh-vey-shuhn
1. the act or an instance of motivating, or providing with a reason to act in a certain way: I don’t understand what her motivation was for sitting on her ass instead of going to the gym.
2. the state or condition of being motivated: We know that she has a strong motivation to be healthy. Or does she?

3. something that motivates; inducement; incentive: Clearly, that lady’s long-term motivation is to reduce her back cleavage.

If I was my own personal trainer I would slap myself.  Really hard.

Here is my list of excuses for not following through on the pretty simple changes I laid out for myself in my last post *clears throat*

  1. the kids went back to school and new routines had to be established
  2. we had a tenant move into our basement and the house is a total disaster I can’t help from staring at in bewilderment
  3. I have been stressed because my business has not seen a lot of customer activity
  4. I had a little battle with my depression and decided to eat my feelings
  5. I haven’t been sleeping well and therefore I’m really tired
  6. my feet hurt
  7. blah, blah, blah, and blah…

A complete load of crap, right?  How many of those things would have been able to manage better if I exercised for even 30 lousy minutes?  Yeah, all of them.  And the thing is I KNOW I should get “out there” even if it’s just walking the dog.  I shouldn’t tell my hubby I’m going to the gym only to hide out in my car eating a banana split (yes, I do this).  I should follow through on the promise I made to my son to be healthy.  Cripes!  I made a pinkie promise to the kid.  What kind of mother am I????

Anyhoo, as I sit here eating the sodium-laden breakfast sandwich I bought in a hurry this morning at Tim Horton’s and follow it up with a über sugary chocolate chip muffin and fattening double-double chaser, I will attempt to analyze why it’s so hard for me to get off my ass and stick to a healthy routine.  I mean, the last thing I was dedicated to was roller derby (I actually lasted almost 4 years at three practices/week) but even that has fallen by the wayside.  Why?

Time and routines: If I went to bed earlier I could actually get up at the ungodly hour of 5:30am and get to the gym for 6am.  Then I’d be alert and feeling productive once at home again.  Those boys of mine would be fed and dressed, lunches would be made, they’d make it to the school bus on time, and I’d be on top of my game for the rest of the day.  Just thinking about it gets me excited!  Almost excited enough to actually follow through with the plan tomorrow morning!

Reorganizing the house avec tenant: When our friend moved into our basement we brought up all of our furniture and placed it in our main floor living room.  Holy crap!  I used to complain the room was so sparse and uninviting.  Now moving through it should be considered an Olympic agility event.  The drum kit in the corner doesn’t help even if it does look really cool.  But instead of cleaning a little each day I just stare at it not knowing where to start.  30 minutes on the elliptical machine would have helped me think more clearly, no?

Stressed and eating my feelings: I come from a long line of depressed people.  And eaters.  And smokers.  And drinkers.  And living-in-denialers…Instead of doing something productive to solve a problem we generally choose a vice and go wild!  May the gods help me from passing this bad habit on to my own offspring!!!  Even as I’m heading to Dairy Queen, I’m telling myself what a bad idea I’m having and it’s not healthy and I won’t feel good when I’m done eating and…and…and…but I don’t stop myself.  I hide my eating (can you say addiction?) and make sure all wrappers and cups have been thrown out in a public trash can before I pull back into my driveway.  I think I need to find myself a sponsor I can call when I feel the need to go eat something bad for me.  What’s the food equivalent of AA?  Gotta look that up.

My feet hurt: That one is easy.  STOP FORGETTING MY ORTHOTICS!!!  There.  Done.

So will I make it to the gym today?


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