That’s right. I said “Fuck Salad”!!!

See? He gets it.

Noun: A cold dish of various mixtures of raw or cooked vegetables, usually seasoned with oil, vinegar, or other dressing: “a green salad”.

OK, I didn’t say “fuck salad”.  A friend did.  However, that little quote appropriately illustrates my hatred for leafy greens. Don’t get me wrong, there isn’t a darned thing wrong with salads or the people who love them.  It’s just, for me, interest in this boring course faded years ago when the novelty of the salad bar wore off as a child (there was something fun about picking out watery iceberg lettuce, pickled beets, cottage cheese, and shredded carrots topped with simulated bacon bits).

No. For me salads are a necessary evil I try to avoid.  In the past I have forced myself to buy supplies with the best of intentions to make healthy meals at home.   But whether it’s a prepackaged salad kit or fresh bundle of romaine, it ALWAYS ends up rotting somewhere deep in the back of my refrigerator.

It’s gross when I find/remember it.  100% of the time.

Anyway, salads are not the sole topic of this blog post.  I should introduce Mirror Mirror properly.

On the slippery slope to my 40th birthday (six months from now), I have vowed to not look at myself in a mirror from the neck down until that special day on February 23rd, 2013.  I will inspect my face regularly for zits, boogers, crumbs, and shit in my teeth but as for the rest of my person, I will NOT look.  I’m not avoiding my reflection because I hate myself or think I’m horrible for being 5’7″ and 205 lbs.  I am doing this in order to get over my personal obsession with how my post-two-large-babies body appears.  I have flab.  I have rolls.  Most of them are self inflicted and the result of too many milkshakes and late-night snacking sessions with the hubby (who is in amazing shape by the way).  I want to concentrate on how I feel, not how I look.

I am also throwing out my scale.  That thing is a superficial, judging piece of shit anyway.

So, though I have PCOS, scoliosis, depression, and a very busy life with two incredibly amazing yet crazy sons I am determined to make some major changes in my life.

#1: I have joined a gym.  As much as I hate, HATE getting up early, I will get there for 6am because it is literally the only time of day I have to work out.

#2: I am going to seek out “salads” I like.  These will not contain leafy greens I know I won’t enjoy (think real greek salads).

#3: I plan to incorporate about 75% of the gluten-free, dairy-free nutrition plan my homeopathic nutritionist gave me a few years ago.  I honestly can’t give the plan 100% because, well…I just can’t live like that.  I tried.  For now I think “reduced” vs. “free” is good enough.

#4: Every day will start with a fruit smoothie.  I am honestly surprised I don’t have scurvy or rickets.

The end result of these changes is to be healthy.  Not a supermodel, not a playboy centerfold.  Mainly, I want to be around long enough to laugh at my sons when they have children as insane as they are.


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